Thursday, September 30, 2010

The end of a journey, and the beginning of another...

The 16th of September 2010 marked a very important event in my life.  This was the date I held my girl for the first time, in tears of joy, beginning my journey as a mother to a child.  This was the date my life had changed forever...

The experience? Priceless.  Terasa mudah melahirkan Ayesha Amani.  She didn't cause me so much trouble, I suppose it's because I had been in a lot of pain before birth itself.  A prolonged pain since before Aidilifitri. 

That night, the 15th of September I was out with my husband, younger brother and younger sister for bowling at Mid Valley and headed to Uptown Damansara afterwards.  We got home at around 1 am and I started feeling uncomfortable since.  Rasa macam nak cirit birit, buang air kecil, all the time.  So I went straight up to my bedroom while hubby watched TV with my brother, Ta. 

Dah naik atas, ulang- alik pergi bilik air, siap termuntah-muntah.  I tried making myself comfortable on the bed, with pillows, hot water and tried excercising my back.  At around 3 something, I called hubby up and told him that I was in pain and thought I had severe food poisoning due to the puking and other things.  Hubby insisted we go to the hospital.  So nearing 4am, we left the house and went to Hospital Selayang.

When we got there, I was asked by the nurses why I came.  So I explained the symptom.  I was then asked to wait for examination.  A few minutes after, a doctor came and examined my cervix.  She said I was already 5cm dilated, and asked why did I wait so long to come to the hospital.  My answer was simple:- I thought what I had was food poisoning.  The doctor then said that the amniotic fluid is gone so she asked if my water broke earlier.  No, I didn't feelt my water broke.  Nothing at all, so the only possible reason was the leakage as mentioned by my gynae during my routine checkup.  I eventually ended up with no amniotic fluid.  The doctor which was examining me was not satisfied with her finding and asked for a more senior doctor to do the examination.  There I was again, another cervix examination, darn.... It is not something that we all like, I promise you.  Once the second doctor confirmed the finding, I was left to rest "until you feel the urge to push" , according to the nurse.  Wah cuak masa tu oke!  Dah nak beranak ke. 

Several minutes after that, I started feeling the urge to push.  Aku terus panggil nurses sekalian.  Diorang masukkan ubat untuk buang air besar, and so I immediately had to go.  I think I spent quite a while in the washroom, not knowing if it was the urge to poop or to push.  Darn it took quite a while to differentiate but after a while sitting on the toilet bowl, I managed to. 

I was taken to labour at around 5.45am and hubby followed.  It was a scary feeling I tell you, I didn't know my capability and I obviously didn't know what to expect.  I mean, the kind of pain to be expected.  Is there more?  But I do know that I will be delivering my princess, and just imagining her face at the time ease the pain.  Once I got there, I asked the midwife, if I was ready to deliver and she thought I was being funny so she answered in a joking tone as well. 

Hubby was in labour with me all the time.  He held my hand, kissed my forehead and tell me to do my best, he was my strength at the time.  He helped me push.  He put my hands where they were suppose to be.  He made sure I was in the correct position, and guided me with my breathing technique.  I knew I couldn'y have done it without him!  Sempat la jugak aku sembang- sembang dalam kesakitan labour tu.  Macamana orang boleh tergamak buang anak la, senang sangat ke diorang beranak la... Until the mid wife who was assisting said "Sempat lagi awak fikir hal orang dalam sakit- sakit macam ni", hahaha.  Ala, if I can explain the pain, it was like a very very bad constipation.  Yepp, that's how it felt like!

After several many failed attempts, I finally managed to do my final push with just the correct breathing.  "There she was," hubby said.  "I can see her hair!".  Then everything else happened so quickly I suddenly heard a small cry and a few minutes after, little princess was already on my chest!  She was the most beautiful thing, and she smell heavenly.  Owh don't they all.  Babies do smell like heaven, people said. 

I looked into the eyes of my beautiful princess, and tears finally came running down.  I said to hubby, "Abang tengok anak kita, cantik, kan?".  I saw the look in hubby's eyes, the happiness which I had never seen before.  I myself, never felt this good.  I remember this tears when we were both solemnised August last year.  No words can explain this feeling, of ending the 9 months pregnancy and entering motherhood at the same time.  The feeling was amazing.  It was different.  It was priceless.  I kissed little princess on the forehead and whispered "Assalamualaikum Ayesha Amani.  Welcome to the world..."

Now the new journey has begun.  I am not sure what to look for, not sure how great I will be at it, but I am sure there will be many challenges ahead.  I need to be mentally and emotionally prepared, and pray that the best will come. And if it ain't, that I will do better next time.  InsyaAllah.  Do pray for my best. 

Here are some photos of Ayesha Amani:

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