Monday blues

Not at all if I can have my morning coffee here.

Tedboy @ The Sphere Bangsar South

Ok. Maybe Monday blues won't be completely gone, but it does lessen that feelings of... you know.  That feelings.

Great coffee and tea.
Varieties of sandwiches but a littlle pricey.
Pastries but there weren't many to choose from, especially in the morning. 
Friendly and helpfull staff.
All seatings are outdoor, great for breakfast but it gets a little too hot
 

"Mommy, moon! Cantik tak?"

 Those were her words when I sent her to her new Taska this morning.  We were on our way to taska and she was sitting on my lap, in my arms.  Yep, my baby has started her first day at taska today.  She looked oh so sad and scared this morning and how I wanted to hug her and tell her its ok.  Tapi aku tau, hugging her today will only make it worse.  Let's save it for when I take her home today.  Dengan kerja yang berlambak mengejar dateline, all I want is for the clock to turn 5:30 very soon.

She wanted to hold my hand when we first go there, for security.  But I had to let her hands go.  I wanted her to know that Mommy won't be here with you, darling.  Mommy can't hold your hands forever.  Then Daddy took her to play on the slides while I settled her registration.  I came out and saw her playing, but there was one moment when she paused and sat down, holding her knees.  I am sure she didn't know what to expect.  Neither did I, sweetheart.  Neither did I... Then we left.  Cikgu Effa took her, she screamed a bit and I didn't see her scream nor struggle when the teacher took her.  I didn't want to wave her goodbye.  Goodbye always made her hysteric, because goodbye means I am leaving her, I am going 'jalan-jalan' without her.  So no goodbye.  Now I am guilty for not even giving her a goodbye kiss.  Dohhh Mommyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

She will be fine, I know.  Mommy yang sibuk susah hati.  She will adapt, she will adjust herself to the new environment.  My spoilt baby will learn to share, be more disciplined.  Belajar hidup berjadual.  I failed to do that with the maid.  I failed to do anything with the maid because in the end, she did things her way.  Put my baby to sleep most time of the day, let her watch TV anytime, never had breakfast unless I asked her to give it to my baby, and hid all her colours and paints, and kept all her toys inside the room.  Can you imagine the life my baby had.  So even though I wasn't the one who asked her to leave (she chose to leave), I am just glad she did.  You know I am not saying all these because she left.  Aku ni yang memang cerewet, and oh well, if only I can afford to look after her myself.  So for now since I can't, let's just try and be more lenient shall we? 

I wish my daugther the best for her first day in taska.  Hopefully she will learn something new everyday, some good, some bad, oh well but that's just the way life is.  It isn't bed of roses all the time.  I will learn to accept that myself, inshaAllah.  Chaiyok baby bucuk masam Mommy.

Monday Blues: Post Pregnancy Weight!

“You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.” - Dave Barry

An article on babycenter said that "Your body needs time to recover from labor and delivery. Give yourself until your six-week postpartum checkup before you start watching your calorie intake and actively trying to slim down. And if you're breastfeeding, experts recommend that you wait until your baby is at least 2 months old before you try to lose weight. (If you're a nursing mom, you may also want to read our article on a healthy breastfeeding diet.)"

So it has been almost 15 months since my baby 'popped'.  That preggy belly, is still there.  This didn't use to bother me much then, but it is now.  I used to motivate myself with articles that I read - that if it takes 9 months to build, it will take some time to lose that preggy belly too!  Being pregnant and giving birth isn't like popping a balloon, popped and flat it goes.  No it doesn't work that way.  But wouldn't you want to lose all that weight when you think your appetite is out of control, and that old clothes still hasn't fit?

A little history.  I was 51kg before I got married, and 59kg within 4 months of marriage.  Got pregnant and became 79kg by the time I gave birth.  Went through a strict Malay confinement, and I lost quite a lot of kilos and became 61kg!    Then I started work, breastfeeding, pumping and just got hungry all the time.  Several months after, I gained again up to 63kg, and now while typing this I am 65kg and still growing.  May not sound serious to you, but heyyyy its my body I have the right to be concern.  Though, reality check, I will probably never go back to being 51 or 59.  LOL. 

I am sure many other mom feel the same way I do.  Feeling pressured about losing weight.  In my case, the office mates are actually making fun of me being fat, and feeling hungry all the time.  Does this hurt?  Yes, it is.  Not just that, my husband is also being mocked.  Hurts even more.  So what if we are a couple of fat parents.  Do we try hard enough?  I did, maybe my husband didn't but I'll make sure he does.  To my husband, it is enough that we love each other even though we are not 'pretty' people. 

But I don't wanna wait 2 years to be back in shape, or it will be too late!  I still need the calories for breastfeeding.  The only choice I have now is eating balanced diet and excercise.  You go girl!  Cut that Nasi Lemak off your breakfast list and start eating salads, 'roasties' (that what I call roasted chicken and beef ahaha), and all that yucky healthy food.  Oh, and to start regular excercise (still thinking what's besides the Gym, with that clingy girl of mine- would days at parks make up for excercises?)

~Didn't make much sense what I wrote today but it is Monday~

Learning to appreciate life as it is.

Sejak saya nampak 'anak kecil' berkerja sebagai seorang cleaner at the office where I am currently auditing, jiwa saya tak tenang.  A day before the Diwali break, I was walking to the office toilet when I heard a guy asked the cleaner boy, how old he was.  The reason for asking - ah well because he looked no older than 12!  Then I heard a reply from the boy saying he's 11 or 9 - both numbers sounds more or less the same in Malay , especially if you're eavesdropping. 

Sigh.  I thought.  Here I am, complaining about work, how money isn't always enough, complaining about my spouse, and the food from the table isn't cooked to my taste.  I have spent all my life complaining about how life isn't the way it should be.  The boy, who's 11 or 9, lets say 9, didn't have the time to complain.  Did he complain about how he is suppose to be in school but working instead?  Did he complain about how fair life was that he missed his childhood to play like others, and have fun like a 9 years old should be?  I'm sure he didn't say anything about what he's eaten, if he's eaten at all. 

I tried to be positive about it, that this boy mungkin sedang menggantikan ibu atau ayah yang sedang sakit.  But does that really make you feel better?  Adoiii lah.  Seriously, just thinking about it has made me appreciate life more and more!  Bukan ke aku cukup makan, malahan terlebih gemuk sudah dek kerana makanan?  Do I not have a husband who loves me more than anything, and a toddler who cries for me?  Do I not have the luxury to shop for decent clothes, and never ending opportunity to shop for shoes?  Is it not true that my medical expenses are paid for by the company?  Do I not have a job, a job which feeds my family.  Ya Allah, syukran! 

Gambar Hiasan: My 'perfect' life

Tak cukup ke untuk membuatkan aku appreciate kehidupan aku sekarang ni?  Tak kaya tapi sederhana... Ada peluang bersekolah di sekolah yang baik, I was given the opportunity to attend University not once but twice!  Berpeluang memilih kerjaya sendiri.  Tak suka, tapi itulah yang meberi saya sesuap nasi!  Perlu motivasi untuk bangun bekerja setaip hari, but don't we all need a push once a while?  Jangan membenci keadaan diri kita dan kehidupan kita sebelum kita tengok, mungkin ada yang lebih perit dan susah dari kita. 

The above is just one rare case that I have come across.  Ada lagi dan dah banyak kali saya terjumpa kisah sedemikian.  Ermm maybe for others tak seberat mana, tapi saya ni sensitive orang nye.  Dah tengok, pasti teringat dan menjadi teladan hingga ke akhir hayat.

Moral of the story, untuk diri saya, learn to appreciate life the way it is.  Allah dah menjadikan semuanya untuk sebab tertentu.  Dan saya sentiasa kenangkan ayat di bawah untuk renungan diri saya setiap kali saya berasa that things could've been better, or when I couldn't get the things I want in life....

"Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi (pula) kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu; Allah mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui." (Al-Baqarah: 216)

Sekian... Monday Blues kembali menjemput.