Those were her words when I sent her to her new Taska this morning. We were on our way to taska and she was sitting on my lap, in my arms. Yep, my baby has started her first day at taska today. She looked oh so sad and scared this morning and how I wanted to hug her and tell her its ok. Tapi aku tau, hugging her today will only make it worse. Let's save it for when I take her home today. Dengan kerja yang berlambak mengejar dateline, all I want is for the clock to turn 5:30 very soon.
She wanted to hold my hand when we first go there, for security. But I had to let her hands go. I wanted her to know that Mommy won't be here with you, darling. Mommy can't hold your hands forever. Then Daddy took her to play on the slides while I settled her registration. I came out and saw her playing, but there was one moment when she paused and sat down, holding her knees. I am sure she didn't know what to expect. Neither did I, sweetheart. Neither did I... Then we left. Cikgu Effa took her, she screamed a bit and I didn't see her scream nor struggle when the teacher took her. I didn't want to wave her goodbye. Goodbye always made her hysteric, because goodbye means I am leaving her, I am going 'jalan-jalan' without her. So no goodbye. Now I am guilty for not even giving her a goodbye kiss. Dohhh Mommyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
She will be fine, I know. Mommy yang sibuk susah hati. She will adapt, she will adjust herself to the new environment. My spoilt baby will learn to share, be more disciplined. Belajar hidup berjadual. I failed to do that with the maid. I failed to do anything with the maid because in the end, she did things her way. Put my baby to sleep most time of the day, let her watch TV anytime, never had breakfast unless I asked her to give it to my baby, and hid all her colours and paints, and kept all her toys inside the room. Can you imagine the life my baby had. So even though I wasn't the one who asked her to leave (she chose to leave), I am just glad she did. You know I am not saying all these because she left. Aku ni yang memang cerewet, and oh well, if only I can afford to look after her myself. So for now since I can't, let's just try and be more lenient shall we?
I wish my daugther the best for her first day in taska. Hopefully she will learn something new everyday, some good, some bad, oh well but that's just the way life is. It isn't bed of roses all the time. I will learn to accept that myself, inshaAllah. Chaiyok baby bucuk masam Mommy.