Wednesday, December 07, 2011

How things have changed and changed me

Its funny how I could relate my day to day life to another blog I was reading, or a radio topic discussed among the radio DJ and callers.  Or a book you were reading, and television show you were watching with your family.

The day before I was thinking of how angry I got after I got married, and how angrier I've become when we were blessed with a child.  This blog by Denise Cortes titled "Angry wives, you are not alone" was very much true for a wife like moi.  I am indeed not alone, there are wives all over the world who feel the same way I do about their husband.  In fact I know my group of friends who every now and then feels "anger" towards their spouse.  The article has also quoted a statistic from CNN Living: 
  • 46% of moms get irate with their husbands once a week or more.
  • 31% of moms say their husbands don’t help with the chores — in fact, they generate more.
  • 50% of moms tell us their husbands get more time for themselves.
  • Many moms — 44 percent — are peeved that dads often don’t notice what needs to be done around the house or with the kids (it jumps to 54 percent for moms with three-plus children).
  • 40% of moms are mad that Dad can’t multitask. And the more kids they have, the madder they are.
  • 46 percent of moms with three-plus kids are irked by this. 
I think Denise has represented almost all of us women when she said and I quote "If I had a dime for every time I lamented this simple fact–”I have to do everything around here!”–I would be a rich old woman right now. I used to tell my husband, ever since we had children, my life has completely changed. Yours, not so much. "  Sometimes you say that with frustration too.  In my life, at times it even gets as detail as having to figure out what to feed the whole family EVERY SINGLE DAY.  Though husband does help around in the house, things are just not done the way it should be.  You can read her blog here at Pearmama.  How marriage and having a kid changed me at all, I just got angrier than I used to be and at times feel really really worn out and unappreciated.

Then there was this topic on hotfm this morning where a lady complained about his boyfriend who calls her about 10 times everyday.  On top of that he even drops by for lunch with this girl everyday.  You guessed it, she feels suffocated.  Some of the callers agreed, some said some interesting stuff such as you know, you should be thankful that he cares at all.  Some said that for some, things eventually change after you got married, the number of phone calls will drop to less and when you have children it will drop to none.  I was screaming count me in, count me in!!!! OMG!  How was people across the globe able to read my mind.  Me, the attention seeker, as always, is often hurt that hubby doesn't call me anymore to ask me how I am.  Or even bothered to pick up the phone to ask if I've eaten.  Call me petty, but he rarely even ask if I was fine when I was sick AFTER we got married.  I am not making biggy out of phone calls, no, not really, but you gotta see things from my perspective.  I mean, 10 phone calls in a day would definitely be suffocating, but 1 phone call in a week to ask if I am fine when I am at work would be nice!  Have things changed from before, yes they have.  But not only he changed, but I changed too.  In the end I didn't bother to call or text him too unless necessary. 

Then there are nights when you just try to make that effort to watch that TV show together but he is just always too busy playing game on his phone.  The child of yours, who feel that she has been abandoned the whole time you were at work is screaming in your ears.  You just get too frustrated to do or say anything and be on the phone too, with your friends who obviously care and know more about you than your husband.  The next time people say technology bring people together,  I think I am just gonna laugh in their face and tell them to shove technology up their @ss because I think techology has brought us as a couple apart.  There he is on th other side of bed, playing with his phone and here I am writing this blog.  Not much to say to each other so that's the way it goes. 

Have you also had much romantic dinner lately?  Without a screaming baby, or a messy child, and wet and dirty diapers that need to be changed?  Have you enjoyed the taste of your food, the same way you used to enjoy them?  How many times have you spent some time going to cinema, watching a good movie, either on your on or with spouse (minus the child) or even better, with friends? 

Trying to avoid a long winded post, all I am trying to say and point out here is, not the weakness in my marriage or anyone else's.  I just want to say that when you signed that marriage paper, you have officially signed for big changes in your life.  Despite my readiness to get married, I think I had failed miserably to prepare myself for these changes hence this feeling of 'insufficiency' that comes and visit every now and then. 

Changes are good, if you can accept them in a good way.  But changes to your life, environment, people around you will change who you are and the way you see things.  Be sure to keep a good support, such as friends or a close family member to whom you can open up and share your stories with.  It helps as much as any good therapy does.  Oh, and shopping does help too!  Not making any sense?  That's because I am wayyy passed my bedtime :p

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