Raising mini-me

I told you motherhood is a challenge.  From the moment they put her onto your lap, to the moment she is taken away by another man called husband, raising her will always be a challenge.  Me, as a mother has made my own mistakes, which I had quickly realised and trying to fix, hoping that it isn't too late. She is, after all only 1 and a half years old?

How do you even know what is right and what not?  How do others act so rationale when it comes to dealing with tantrum, stubbornness in a toddler?  I couldn't do it without getting irrationale, or emotional.  I suppose Mommy needs to grow up first, huh? 

I have talked to my Mom several times about some of things my daugther does, and as always her answer would be, that was exactly how I felt, raising you and the rest.  Her fourth, my handicapped brother was sick and crying was what he knew best back then.  She said there were sleepless nights too, and dirty diapers in the middle of the nights, and fighting between us.  But she got over it, so I must learn to deal with it too.  That motherhood comes with a lot of responsibility.  Don't let rage win you over. 

I couldn't.  I just couldn't.  I have rage inside of me.  I had anger management issue.  I have unresolved issues within myself.  I get frustrated easily, with her messing around when I am tired.  With her refusal to sleep even though its past her sleeping time - just because she still wants to play with me.  I get frustrated that sometimes, I have to do things on my own, by myself.  That sometimes you always have to figure out things for others.  That I feel like a bad mother sometimes for feeling angry all the time. 

I get frustrated with a lot of thing while raising this beautiful princess.  I hope Allah will make it easy for me.